How can I “hang out” to make new contacts?

How can I “hang out” to make new contacts?

Question

make new contacts“The best way to land a new job is to make new contacts. Hang out with people who do the work you want to do.” Nick, you often write that and it makes me misty for the days when that was possible. [See last week’s column.]

Even before Covid, “hanging out” with people was getting more and more difficult. After-work hangouts – maybe in big cities or company towns — are just gone! In suburban metro Boston, that seems un-pin-downable! Again, even before Covid, it seems like a lot of people with serious commutes were more focused on getting home than hanging out after work, especially as they got married and had kids.

The internet does offer some possibilities to meet people and “hang out” with them virtually, but it seems like the internet killed off a lot, too!

I often wish you and your readers would talk about how they make that happen — make new contacts that might lead us to good jobs. How do you “hang out with people” these days?

Nick’s Reply

NOTE: We all know that other people are our main source of introductions and personal referrals to new jobs and work. The purpose of this week’s Q&A is to poll everyone for your ideas about how to make new contacts in a time when the pandemic has made it more difficult to meet people easily. I’ll offer this reader a few tips, and I suspect you can share even better ways of “hanging out” to make new contacts nowadays.

That’s a good question. Virtual gatherings are not as useful (or fun) as doing it in person. The virus has made socializing and meeting new people more difficult. The professional events and gatherings that served us well are curtailed. I wish I could wave a magic wand and get us all out in the real world to hang out! The internet and social media have not been an adequate substitute for having a glass of wine or a beer with people.

More ways to make new contacts

So that really forces us to consider how we can connect. During this iffy phase of the pandemic, meeting in person might be limited to outdoors, but you may still be able to pull it off. I sometimes round up a few business friends for lunch or breakfast in a safe outdoor setting, and suggest they each bring a friend, co-worker or boss — or a vendor or consultant they like. There’s no agenda. We just hang out and talk. We avoid asking about open jobs. We talk about our work and other interests.

Another way to trigger hanging out is to reconnect with people you worked with years ago but haven’t seen. Meet somewhere you all feel comfortable. The agenda can be to catch up on one another’s work, and perhaps to serve as a sounding board for one another to get a different perspective. I have two old work buddies that I go on hour-long hikes with. We each bring up a work problem we’re facing and discuss it. It’s amazing how someone outside your own field can help you see new solutions. (Learn why shared experiences are the key to good networking.) These two have introduced me to their own business buddies that I’ve met at outdoor cafes. (Not everybody likes to hike!)

Online ways to make new contacts

Does your business or field have any good online discussion forums where people talk shop? Do you belong to an association that meets via Zoom? Search Google for your type of work plus Zoom to see what you can turn up. You have to be creative and put a bit of effort into it.

If you’re in a trade or other profession (as opposed to working in an office), talk to your sources of supplies or services. Ask them who they think are the best in your line of work. Get introduced. Get in touch. If you’re not sure how to start a discussion, ask the person how they’ve handled a problem you’ve faced on the job — and say your supplier gave you their name. Offer to return the favor of their advice. You’ve made a new buddy.

Hang out on the phone

Sometimes the phone is best. About once a year I make a point of e-mailing past clients I haven’t seen or heard from in a long time. I rekindle things by suggesting we catch up by phone. These calls can go an hour! I make no sales pitches; I keep it social but professional. I always ask who they’ve met in the past year that impressed them, and that sometimes leads to introductions.

Humans are very social animals. We’re also lazy! There are ways to connect if it’s important to us, though it make take a special effort. I think it’s always worth it!

How do you meet new people and make new contacts that might lead to a job? Is hanging out with people who do the work you’d like to do still possible? Other than in-person, online or one the phone, how can we make the personal connections that open up new work opportunities? I’m sure you’ve got better ideas than mine!

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Please! Stop Networking!

In the September 15, 2015 Ask The Headhunter Newsletter, a reader just doesn’t get all the fuss that’s called networking.

Question

I’ve been trying to find a mentor who understands networking better than I do. I just don’t get it. We are not expert in everything, and this is one area where I want to get some help. Can you give me some clarity about networking?

Nick’s Reply

networking

So much has been written and said about networking that networking has become a business, an industry, a racket of enormous proportions. Please! Stop doing what’s sold as “networking,” because it’s phony!

I want to barf every time I hear some silly lecture or read a pandering dissertation about how to network. Networking is not complicated. But networking has become over-defined.

Legit networking is simple: Talk shop with people who do work you want to do.

I’ll give you a few examples of what I mean.

You can meet people to talk shop online, in person, anywhere. If you read something about them in advance, just drop a quick note.

How to Say It
“Hey, I read this article about you and I see you’re working on… I’d love to know what you think about X? How’d you do what was described in the article? What are you reading lately that has influenced your work?”

If you’re talking with the person face to face, it’s even simpler.

How to Say It
“Tell me more about what you do… What kinds of challenges or problems did you encounter while working on that?”

The magic is in asking them to talk about themselves and their work. People love that, as long as you’re not being solicitous. And you won’t be if you just talk shop.

It takes time to make meaningful connections through these exchanges. Be patient. Don’t expect much, don’t expect it quickly, and good things will evolve in time. The best part: No matter what benefits you get or don’t get career-wise, you make new friends!

When you get to the point where you want to talk about your career challenges, here’s the magic sauce: Never ask for job leads. Never.

Instead, ask for advice and insight.

How to Say It
“May I ask your advice? If I wanted to shift over to doing XYZ [as your new job], what kind of advice would you give me? I’d love your insight about what it takes to be successful doing what you do.”

See the difference? Never say anything that feels icky or phony. There’s no begging, no asking for jobs or introductions. Results will come naturally — people will eventually suggest someone else that you should talk to. And that’s what to keep track of — people you’re referred to, who they are, where they work, what they do.

Beware, or I’ll never talk to you again
Then there’s the most important thing. If someone recommends a person that you should talk with, or offers an introduction or referral — always make the contact and do it quickly. Never let a personal referral die on the vine.

If I give you a referral, and I find out you didn’t follow up within 3-4 days, I’ll never do anything for you again. Usually, I’ll tip off the third party to expect a call or e-mail. When the person I’m trying to help doesn’t make that contact, I’ve wasted an introduction and I look bad. I can’t emphasize this enough — it’s the single biggest networking mistake people make. If you want good mentors in your life, do not squander the investment they make in you. (See Mentoring & Getting Mentored.)

Networking should be as easy as talking shop with people who do the work you want to do.

Next week, I’ll share my three ingredients for good, healthy networking. But, right now I’d like to know, What’s your way to get close to others professionally?

I’d love to assemble a list of to-dos, not-to-dos, and basic rules for making friends in the work world. Please post your advice and cautions!

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