Hack your elevator pitch

On December 12, 2016

In the December 13, 2016 Ask The Headhunter Newsletter, a reader asks how to formulate an exceptional elevator pitch.

Question

elevator pitchI have been out of the corporate world for over 10 years. I recently sold my business and am contemplating my options. I am too young to retire (in my mid-50s), yet too old to be a hot prospect for most companies, so I am networking.

I was recently asked for an “elevator speech” about myself. Of course, I know what that is, and admit it has value because it forces focus. Yet I am vexed by the prospect of re-developing such a tool, partially because I am not sure what I really want to do and I want to keep my options open, and in part because I always question the value of a bumper-sticker-tool in changing times.

What are your thoughts? Is an elevator pitch valuable? What are the critical elements as you see it? How should it be developed and delivered? What’s the best you have heard?

Thanks for your time. I have been a subscriber for several years and recognize a great content developer, and blogger, when I see one!

Nick’s Reply

There’s no way to focus on what you cannot see, but more about that in a moment. Your instinct is right. It’s time to hack the elevator pitch, because I think elevator pitches (or speeches) are nonsense.

They’re a product of the career coaching industry, which wants your money, and which tends to fabricate stuff it can sell you. (I tell this to Executive MBA students at Cornell, Wharton, UCLA and other schools whenever I do workshops for them.)

What’s an elevator pitch?

By definition, an elevator pitch is about you. You meet me in an elevator and you spout your pitch. But I don’t know you, so I couldn’t care less about you. I don’t need or want to hear about you. Why would I be impressed that you can talk about yourself?

I care about my business and the problems and challenges I face. And they’re all unique to me. (See How to get the hiring manager’s attention.) Hearing about you does nothing for me, because when you rattle off that speech your objective is for me to listen carefully, then to invest my time trying to figure out what to do with you. That’s an unreasonable presumption.

What’s worth listening to?

Now, if you have something useful and specific to say about my business that reveals you’ve already made an investment to understand my plight — that’s worth listening to.

If you say something on the money about my business, the encounter shifts. I’m suddenly interested in who you are, and I might want to know more about you. We might even become great friends.

The trouble with job seekers

This brings us to the fundamental trouble with job seekers. On the whole, what’s painfully lacking in their presentation is attention to the person they’re addressing. An elevator pitch is all about the speaker — it shows no real respect to the listener.

Similarly, a resume that you hand to every employer is about you, and your objective is for each employer to figure out what to do with you. Consider how presumptuous that is. More to the point, consider that no employer has the time, interest or ability to figure out what to do with every job seeker that comes along!

(Think I’m daft? For all the resumes you send to employers where you’re convinced you’re perfect for the job, how many of them invest the time necessary to conclude that you’re the perfect candidate? Employers don’t do what job seekers presume they do. That’s why using automated job application tools to hit as many employers as possible is stupid and unproductive. So why do people keep doing it?)

Who are you pitching to?

If you think about it, investing time in producing a canned elevator pitch is pretty silly. Selectively and thoughtfully investing some serious time in understanding the business and problems of someone you want to work with — that’s smart. Of course, it means you must carefully select your target, right? Or, why bother making such an investment? You must prepare a short speech that’s highly specific to that individual — one that wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else.

Only if you have time to do that do I have time to hear you out.

When you ran your business, did you ever stand on a street corner reciting information about your products to impress people? I know the answer. So, why would you even consider doing that now?

Hack your elevator pitch

The best elevator pitch I’ve ever heard goes like this: “By doing XYZ, I can increase your profitability by 10%.” There’s the focus you mentioned — but to bring that kind of focus, you must first clearly see and examine the object. And that object is my business. Can you hack my business? (See Stand Out: How to be the profitable hire.)

Thanks for your kind words. Glad you enjoy Ask The Headhunter. Please use your good business sense when pursuing a job, if it’s a job you want. Because employers don’t pay for elevator pitches or interview skills. They want business acumen that addresses their specific issues, and that contributes to their bottom line. One size does not fit all.

What will get the attention of someone you want to work with? Do you use a prepared speech? How do you know what to say?

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Dissecting the elevator pitch

On November 26, 2012

In the November 27, 2012 Ask The Headhunter Newsletter, a writer asks for a job at Ask The Headhunter:

Hi Nick,

[1] I’m going to cut to the chase: I want to write for “Ask The Headhunter”! [2] My name is Melanie and I’m a former educator turned researcher/blogger. [3] I stumbled upon your blog researching for another article weeks ago. [4] My expertise/niche is education so most of my articles deal with learning — whether they’re directed at instructors, students, parents, or business leaders. [5] But of course my edu-centric pieces are always tailored to each blog’s audience. Check out some of my clips to see more of what I mean:

[6] [six URLs to her articles]

[7] Hope to discuss ideas soon,

Melanie

My Rant

Resumes make me cringe. Elevator pitches make me cringe more. Elevator pitches delivered in e-mail make me wanna barf. Nothing is more banal, misdirected, or useless to someone that doesn’t know you.

Consider how often an elevator pitch, or a cover letter, or a job inquiry reads like the note above. Maybe you’ve written one yourself.

I want to tell you what’s wrong with these pitches. Then I want to know what you think — because most people seem to believe they must “craft” a chunk of b.s. like this to get an employer’s attention.

I’ve tagged each part of the pitch I received with a number. This is gonna get ugly, but let’s tear it apart. (I offer no apologies to Melanie. She offered none to me. But I thank her for helping me write this edition of the newsletter.)

[1] Melanie isn’t cutting to the chase.

The chase is my need to produce profit for my business. What Melanie wants to do (“to write for Ask The Headhunter”) is relevant only if it fits in with my business objectives. What does she know about them?

Oops. If Melanie had spent five minutes on the ATH website, she’d know that — except for one small section, which she never mentions — all the articles are written by me.

And that’s the first problem with elevator pitches: They are by design generic and thus presumptuous. You can’t create an elevator pitch for someone you don’t know and haven’t met yet. If you think I’m full of baloney, try this elevator pitch on the next person you meet that you’re attracted to:

“My ability to make [men, women] happy by exciting them results in fun relationships and could lead to marriage.”

Trust me. When you’re on the receiving end, that’s what an elevator pitch — about anything — sounds like.

[2] I don’t care what Melanie’s former career was.

When you have just a moment or two to engage someone in a business discussion, why would your speech be “crafted” about yourself? The answer is easy: You don’t know anything about the business of the person you’re talking to — the pitch is designed to be memorized and regurgitated in elevators to any captive.

Want my attention? Tell me you know what my business is about and how you can make it better. Tell me about yourself later, after I behave as if I want to know.

[3] Melanie “stumbled” upon my blog.

The analog in our social lives is this phone call:

“Hi. I had nothing to do tonight so I thought I’d call you.”

Gimme a break.

[4] Four sentences into it, Melanie is still talking about herself.

It’s pretty clear she has no idea what Ask The Headhunter is about. She worked in education, so she will write educational articles. About whatever.

Elevator pitches are painful to create because they must account for the orator’s ignorance yet pretend to be insightful. Save yourself the trouble. If you need to break the ice with someone you don’t know, don’t talk about yourself or express what you think. Instead, ask them a question. People love it when we express interest in them. They are turned off when we recite stuff about ourselves.

[5] Melanie suggests she’s qualified.

What is Melanie qualified to do  for me? She hasn’t indicated she has any idea what I need. She’ll write anything for any audience, never mind who the audience is. And that’s the fatal flaw with any elevator pitch. By design it demonstrates one thing above all else: The speaker knows so little about the listener that she promises anything and everything.

Here’s the insult: After the recitation, an elevator pitcher wants me to go figure out what to do with her and her ideas. No thanks. I’d rather she do that work.

[6 & 7] This part of the pitch is the punch line.

Usually, an elevator pitch ends with the orator handing over a resume or suggesting the listener invest a couple of hours in breakfast or lunch to listen to more. After delivering this elevator pitch about herself, Melanie wants me to spend the next hour reading six of her articles.

She’s showing me examples of her work — and she’s telling me to go figure out whether her work is relevant to my business. I didn’t approach her — she approached me. So the burden is on the elevator pitcher to make her case. Suggesting I go figure it out is not making a case.

Consider what an elevator pitch is really about: You and your assumptions.

If you want to do business with someone, why would you open the conversation by talking about yourself and about what’s important to you? If you want to do business with me, spend the precious minute you have with me proving you know about my business and what I need. Prove you thought enough about my business in advance to offer something useful to me.

Ouch — you’d have to invest an awful lot of time and effort in me first, eh? Why would you? Why, indeed? And why should I devote two seconds to listening to you recite?

Do you have an elevator pitch? What is it? What reactions do you get when you recite it? What’s your reaction to elevator pitches? Am I just a rude S.O.B. who needs to be more tolerant and pretend to listen to anyone who wants my time? I want to know what you think.

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