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Question

I’ve begun an intense job search, but now I’m keeping in mind your helpful hints, including from your books. I’ve found some online resources that have given me a great start at identifying companies in particular regions and industries that meet my requirements. I’ve also been able to find the names of principals in these companies. Now what? Any hints or suggestions as to methods to find that hiring manager within the organization that has those problems I’ll be able to solve?

I like to be prepared before I begin making the calls and “networking.” I don’t want to risk losing potential sources and contacts by saying the wrong things. You have indicated that the key to a successful search is to contact the person who you would work for within the organization, develop a presentation of how you can help and/or resolve particular issues, and of course make yourself available for hire. I’m sure many would like to read your helpful hints in this regard.

Nick’s Reply

The manager that needs to hire you is a manager whose problems you can solve, and whose work you can get done. You can’t accomplish this selection unless, of course, you know what those challenges are. And this is what dooms most “job searches,” because job seekers don’t do enough to really understand what a hiring manager needs. (It’s not in the job description.) Instead, they throw their resume at a job posting and wait for the manager, or, worse, for HR to figure it out. And most managers and most HR folks suck at figuring out whether you can do the job. (They’re too busy stirring the ATS and AI kool-aid.)

The only path to the right hiring manager is via people the manager works with.

That is, the right approach involves starting with people other than the manager. It helps to triangulate. In the course of gathering useful information about the organization, you will also start to learn who the key managers are and what they really need.

Circle around the hiring manager

• Talk to people who know and work for managers who may be relevant to your job search.

These include employees, vendors, customers, consultants and a raft of others. This helps you establish a kind of network or organization chart. It also helps you develop the work topics you can discuss with the manager you ultimately define as your target. Conversations with people on a manager’s or job’s periphery will help you come up with these topics.

Identify issues and problems

• Read industry journals to find out what are the key problems the entire industry is grappling with.

Then drill down: study articles in these journals and in the popular business press about the specific company. Every company has aches and pains. You cannot help if you don’t know the issues and problems a company is struggling with, but that’s how you get your foot in the door.

Get help, get names

• Call the reporters who wrote the articles you read.

Ask them who they interviewed during their research. (For every page of an article, reporters typically have pages of research and interviews.) If you ask gently and politely, they may share their opinions of the industry and company, and about what particular issues and challenges the company faces. You can gather lots of useful info this way, while your competition approaches jobs blindly, grasping at job postings that tell them nothing useful.

Your goal is to get the names of people who work at the company, or who know the company and the hiring manager.

Ask for advice, not for a job

• Call these people.

Explain that you are interested in their industry and in their company. Ask intelligent questions based on what you’ve read. Do not ask for a job or job lead.

Instead, ask them what advice they’d give someone who was considering working in their industry, and perhaps for their company.

As you follow up with the people whose names you’ve gathered, you will get closer to a particular hiring manager’s inner circle. When you’re talking to people who work for that manager, you’re getting the information you really need (and a possible introduction).

Get ready to talk with the hiring manager

It’s up to you to formulate an idea of what problems a company and a manager a facing. Then you must put together a simple plan that will enable you to show a manager how you can contribute to the bottom line. Please see Stand Out: How to be the profitable hire.

You know you have the right hiring manager when the two of you can discuss in detail and agree on what the manager needs from you, and when you demonstrate you can do it.

I hope this gets you going in the right direction. The point is to offer a company something they need, rather than to get in line and ask for a job. Your research on a company’s problems and challenges will lead you naturally to the right managers. But I think you’ve already got that idea. You’re ready to start trying some of these methods. Don’t worry about making a few mistakes. This takes practice.

Best wishes, and thanks for your kind words.

Are you successful at getting to the right hiring manager? How do you avoid obstacles?

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Question

I am currently working in the San Francisco Bay Area but want to move to the Philadelphia area (where I was born and raised), but responding to job ads and sending resumes just doesn’t seem to be doing it for me. So, what in your opinion is the best, quickest way to search for a job 3,000 miles away?

Nick’s Reply

Cut the distance down. Go to Philadelphia.

To get a job, pick specific companies

I would select a handful of companies in Philly; companies you would love to work for. Do not use job postings to do this. Pick out your own targets. (See How do I know what jobs I want?)

Research these companies in depth. Find out who’s in charge of the department you’d want to work in. Learn about each company’s problems and the challenges they face. Talk to their vendors. Talk to their customers. (Call their sales reps — sales people love to talk.) Talk to the associations they belong to. Find and study the pertinent industry journals. Learn enough so that you can describe exactly how you could contribute to a company’s bottom line — and be ready to tell it to the boss.

Make it up-close and personal

This isn’t easy — but what good job is easy? Effective job hunting is not very different from tackling a major project in the job you’re doing right now, so use the same common sense and business skills you use every day. Take control and talk directly with the right people. Make it personal.

Once you’ve identified the right managers and prepared something to discuss with them, call them.

Explain that you’re going to be in Philadelphia on business (you will be, if you use this approach!), that you just read about them in XYZ publication, and that you’d like to stop by briefly to learn more about their operation because you may be considering a job change soon.

Offer something: tell them that you have some ideas about how to [fill in the blank]. Ask for advice: who would they recommend that you talk to? Remember: you’re discussing this with your prospective boss, except they don’t know that yet. (See Get In The Door – way ahead of your competition.)

Make the investment

If you can schedule three or more such casual visits, you should consider making the investment in the trip. Do not ask any of these companies if they’d pick up the tab. That will turn them right off, because then HR has to be dragged into the picture, and your proposed casual meetings — not  job interviews! — are likely to get cancelled. The point is to go around the system by engaging a manager in a discussion about their work and business — in other words, get a job without applying for a job.

Or, attend an industry event in your target city

An Ask The Headhunter subscriber shared how he pulled off a move from Connecticut to Austin, Texas by attending — on his own dime — two professional events in Austin.

Here is the breakdown of how I got this job. Prior to meeting you, I wouldn’t have done any of these things. They are all outside my comfort zone. You gave me the tools to get out there and do it. Thank you so much.

• Attended an industry event in target city.
• Introduced myself to founder of the event.
• He introduced me to a local industry consultant.
• Attended second industry event in target city and had in-depth conversation with industry consultant.
• He introduced me to his friend, the president at the company where I eventually got an offer.

Go there

This is risky, and it will cost you something. But if you prepare properly before calling these managers, and if you have something valuable to offer them in your meetings, it can pay off handsomely. Remember: you must pursue companies you have selected carefully and with purpose. Before calling a manager, know their business. Finally, have something valuable to offer in your meetings.

You’re right: job hunting from 3,000 miles isn’t easy. But the approach that’s necessary quickly reveals the weakness of most job hunting methods: they are impersonal. Resumes and online job postings won’t cut it. You must get close to the people you want to work for — both physically and in terms of your knowledge about their business.

How would you attempt to get a job thousands of miles away? Have you ever pulled this off? What’s the best way this long-distance job seeker could optimize chances of success?

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Question

We all know the question, “What’s your salary expectation?” Recently I was talking to a very nice recruiter who asked this question on our first call. I told him I’m looking for $X. The recruiter then spoke to the company about me, and the company basically said, “We can’t offer $X base pay but we can offer her a lower base $Y, and then offer $Z bonus on top.” So my question is, isn’t it unusual to be negotiating salary before I have interviewed? Does it then even leave room for negotiation at the offer stage, or will I be stuck with the numbers discussed? I have not come across this scenario before. I am just curious how you would advise to handle something like this in the future?

Nick’s Reply

There’s nothing wrong with everyone being on the same “money page” before investing a lot of time in interviews. Expressing your salary expectation as a range, rather than a specific number $X, is best. A range gives you room to maneuver later, while ensuring everyone is at least in the same ballpark.

But there’s more to it than just giving them a number or a range. You must give them tantalizing reasons to want to meet you so that you can justify why they should pay what you ask. You must also set the ground to justify possibly asking for more when it’s time to negotiate a job offer.

Here’s the logic and how to say it.

How to Say It

“I told you my salary expectation is $X [or in the range of $X and $X+$n]. The actual compensation I would seriously consider will depend on what the demands of the job are, and on the deliverables the company expects from me. So my compensation requirement could vary from $X depending on what’s required of me. If we’re in the right ballpark, I’m willing to invest time to discuss the job.

“So, please tell me ‘where it hurts.’ That is, what does the company need me to do, fix, accomplish, improve, deliver — and I’ll do my best to offer my outline of a business plan to do it. If the company isn’t satisfied with my plan, then they shouldn’t hire me. And if they don’t offer me enough money, then I won’t take the job. But as long as we’re in the ballpark, let’s roll up our sleeves and talk shop in an interview!”

Justify your salary expectation

What no employer (or recruiter) expects is that you’re going to offer to prove you’re worth what you want with a custom, but brief, business plan about the job. This will give you an edge over your competition, and in the salary negotiations that follow your interviews.

In other words, make the discussion about salary expectation a business proposition: “If I can deliver your desired outcomes, I’ll expect you to deliver my desired pay.”

Control the negotiations

Shape the above How to Say It suggestion to suit your own style. This is how you will leave the door open to negotiate after you learn the whole story about this job. If you can learn what they want — the expected deliverables, or “where it hurts” — then you can show you can do it. This can give you a lot of control in negotiations.

Please check this: Salary Negotiation: How much to ask for.

It’s also important to understand the anchoring effect, which upends the conventional wisdom that “whoever states a number first, loses.” When they ask how much you want, it will be to your advantage to know exactly how to state your desired salary.

I wish you the best!

How do you negotiate the money part of a job offer? Do you bring it up early, or do you avoid salary discussions until the offer stage? In your experience, how can discussions about salary cause a job-offer deal to “blow up”?

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Question

I have 15 years’ experience in my field. My company is stagnating and there’s no upward path for me. I’ve been talking to other companies, but it always seems as though I am either over-qualified or under-qualified. I’ve worked with headhunters and have networked through friends and business associates, but it’s very difficult to search for a new job when I’m very busy at work. Is there anything else I can do?

Nick’s Reply

I appreciate your situation: full-time job and no time to job hunt. However, if you do it the right way, it shouldn’t interfere much with your current job.

Most people turn it into a time-consuming numbers game because they waste their time with the traditional approach: reading the job boards, writing cover letters, filling out endless online forms, sending resumes to people they don’t know (and who don’t know them), and going on the wrong interviews. (“Look! I’ve applied for over 400 jobs!”) This can tie up a lot of time with little reward.

Don’t waste your time; invest it

The headhunter’s approach (I’m referring to good headhunters, not those who are “dialing for dollars”) is quite different, more powerful, and it works. You don’t send out lots of resumes, go on just any of interviews, or spend your time on the job boards.

Instead, you invest your time talking with people who do the work you want to do. That helps you focus on just those jobs that are right for you (rather than jobs for which you are over- or under-qualified), and it lets you leverage your contacts. Moreover, it can take less time because you choose companies to pursue rather than try to chase any “opportunity” that comes along.

Choose, don’t chase

Here’s roughly how it works.

• Pursue a small handful of companies — ideally, one at a time. It’s more manageable and more fruitful.
• Base your chosen targets on the actual research you do on a company, not on whether it’s running a job posting.
• Approach only companies that are absolutely right for you, based on your research. Don’t be lured by “what’s available.”
• Don’t use resumes to introduce yourself — develop personal contacts instead.
• Talk only to the hiring manager, not to HR.
• Be prepared to talk about the manager’s business, not about a job. This will distinguish you from the competition.

Good contacts are all around you

Now for the key: How do you find the right people to talk to? (Hint: you won’t find them in the job postings!)

Use your professional contacts — people you talk with every day. You need not tell anyone you’re looking for a job in order to explore opportunities in your industry. Be discreet, but start talking!

Good contacts are all around you. Your vendors, customers, members of professional associations you belong to — all are people you can talk to with little risk. Don’t ask for job leads. Instead, ask for insights about their companies, the industry, advice about how you can learn more, and how you can meet others who do the work you want to do. Let them bring up the issue of new jobs.

When it’s done right, job search isn’t drudgery and doesn’t take a lot of time during your work day. It requires careful research and talking to a small handful of the right people — people who are affiliated with (or do business with) the company you want to work for.

That’s how you get introduced to your next boss.

When you’re looking for a new job, how do you avoid having your time wasted? What are the most productive steps you follow?

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Question

I practice what you preach, that the best jobs come from a strong personal referral. When I can, I introduce job seekers to my manager friends in various companies. But recently this backfired on me and resulted in embarrassment. No biggie, but it gave me pause. All the job seeker had to do was call the manager I was introducing them to, who was expecting the call. A meeting was guaranteed. Later, the manager expressed surprise to me that the call never came.

I don’t know whether youth or naivete is the problem, but I’ll think twice before I risk my credibility, and I’ll never stick my neck out for this person again. This just lessened the chances that the manager will trust another referral from me. Do people really not grasp the value of a strong personal referral, and how poorly it reflects on me when they drop the ball?

Nick’s Reply

Oh, the stories I could tell you. But first let me give you my advice. Don’t stop making personal introductions between job seekers and employers that respect you. This is the coin of the realm. Trusted recommendations make the world go ‘round. It’s still the best way to hire and get hired. It’s also a great way to make new friends!

The challenge is to make sure both parties you’re trying to introduce grasp the value of your introduction. So explain it to them clearly.

How to Say It

“I make introductions only when I believe value will come out of them. So this is a rare thing, because I’m sticking my neck out for you [whether it’s the job seeker or the hiring manager]. I’m glad to do it! If you accept my introduction, to further grease the skids I will let the other person know you will call. So your call will be expected. But if you fail to make contact within a couple of days, I’ll look bad — and I’ll never make another introduction for you again. I will happily try to get the two of you together if you will promise to make contact promptly. I will even walk you through how to handle the call.”

This might seem to be an overbearing stipulation. It’s not. Anyone that doesn’t understand its importance doesn’t understand how the world works.

A strong personal referral is the single most valuable advantage when seeking a job or to make a hire — and a great way to develop powerful contacts for the future.

Few understand the personal referral

People who don’t get this are indeed naïve and/or unwilling to stick their own necks out — because every time we reach out to someone we don’t know, we’re taking a social risk. When we get a rare personal referral, it changes everything. It’s always worth following through! I’ll get pilloried for saying this, but it’s a problem I see more with young people, mainly because they’re so conditioned to automated, impersonal job hunting via job boards. It really doesn’t require putting any social skin in the game. I believe that’s largely why it takes so long for them to land a good job. They just won’t act on the personal referral.

I’ll share a few examples from my own experience. These were all courtesy referrals, not attempts to “place” people. Unfortunately, the intended beneficiaries burned their bridges to me.

But there’s no job opening!

I set up a phone call for a young operations worker I know, so he could connect with a top executive at a big company. I explained to the job seeker that no jobs were currently open, but the V.P. welcomed a meeting because I recommended it, just to talk shop and get to know one another. It was an excellent way for the young man to get into the V.P.’s professional network. “All you have to do is make the call,” I told him. ”The V.P. is expecting it and will invite you to lunch.”

What’s not to like?

The young man never made the call. When I asked why, here was the explanation: “Well, it just didn’t seem wise since there’s no job opening.” But he knew that. The purpose was to expand his network, which was a far more valuable benefit than just landing a job. He really didn’t get it. That V.P. represented lots of valuable introductions in the young man’s future. I never offered him career help again.

I think I’ll wait!

A talented young neighbor just one year out of college was having difficulty getting work in marketing. I recommended her to the CEO of a company who was a good friend of mine. They spoke on the phone and she was scheduled for a job interview. She never showed up and didn’t bother to cancel. The CEO was irritated, and so was I.

I finally reached her. “Oh, I didn’t go because I got another interview and wanted to wait to see what would happen with that first.” She didn’t give a thought to the investment I had made in her. I’d have been a valuable source of introductions throughout her career. I never made another introduction and stopped returning her calls because I could never trust her to respect employers that trust me.

I don’t need a job anymore!

A young software engineer I met was impressed when I told him I knew the founder of a wildly successful start-up software company the engineer admired. I reached out to the entrepreneur and offered to make an introduction. He quickly accepted my glowing recommendation and told me to have the engineer call him.

In the meantime, the engineer accepted a job offer elsewhere and never made the call “because now I have a job.” The start-up founder sold his company a couple of years later for over $2 billion. What the young engineer never grasped is that a personal referral is always worth accepting because it’s not just about a job — it’s an investment in your circle of friends. I invested in him and I risked the trust of my friend the founder.

Cultivate personal referrals

People often fail to appreciate how valuable personal referrals are. Why? Because they’re insecure? Because making that phone call seems awkward? Because they just don’t believe it will pan out?

I think the problem is this: The desperate job hunter wants an interview and a job. It’s a finite transaction. They don’t see the lifetime of steps that are required to become the well-connected insider who actually gets the job. The steps are all the relationships we must form to get from one person to the next during a satisfying career. It’s all about trusted recommendations that lead us to new relationships, and about cultivating them throughout life — not just when we need a job.

Never be so distracted or too busy to take a meeting offered by someone that wants to help you and that has put their name on the line to personally recommend you. It could cost you one very valuable relationship. As far as helping them with their careers, those three job seekers I described are dead to me.

Have you ever stuck your neck out to make a valuable personal referral? Was it worth it? Do you follow up in a timely way on personal referrals yourself? What’s the best way to use a personal referral?

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Question

You often discuss the importance of using networking and connections to get a new job. Here indeed lies the problem. Who is best qualified doesn’t matter anymore, in favor of those networked and connected.

Just try networking when living in a career desert where you are judged by party affiliation, where you reside, and the “what can you do for me” mentality.

So you advise us to move to areas of opportunity. Let us think this through. Move to abandon responsibilities? Move for a new employer that knows you are in a tight spot and takes advantage by offering you sub-par wages and benefits? Move for an employer that hides behind the shield of “at will” contracts?

Face it. America is NOT producing enough fulfilling, life sustaining, rooted jobs on virtually all levels. We are even failing at “B.S.” jobs. Remember, a job is more than a pay check. It’s about dignity… and that ain’t NO joke ;)

[signed] STEM and Barred From Opportunity

Nick’s Reply

This is one of the most painful e-mails I’ve received and I know it’s the tip of an iceberg. How does a professional in a “career desert” change jobs, earn more, and retain their dignity?

This is a question I’m going to ask this entire community to discuss and answer because I just don’t have enough good advice to give. But we’ll do that in a minute…

Is home a career desert?

First, I don’t advise anyone to move just for opportunity to areas thriving more than their own locale. Loads of factors must play into such a decision. But like it or not, some areas offer more and better opportunities and relocating is a choice. Likewise, some areas — the career desert you refer to — are relatively remote and offer fewer options. Employers there often take advantage of the local workforce. You have to choose. Complaining about it won’t change it.

If you do decide to move, long-distance job search can be more productive if you take this approach: Make interview travel pay off. But that’s up to you. Now let’s discuss how you can use networking to your advantage, even in your area.

Be the “networked & connected” job seeker

Second, you suggest qualified people lose out to those “networked and connected.” Certainly, various kinds of nepotism play out in the job market. Employers hire their buddies even if they’re not properly qualified. But consider that if that were true everywhere the economy would tank — and some companies with biased hiring practices do tank.

On the other hand, you can use networking and personal connections to help you land the job you are qualified for. Just being qualified is not enough. Please see Natural Networking: An End to Stupid Networking. Don’t give up on your locale until you make an honest effort to become the networked and connected job seeker. Even in a career desert.

The problem is real

Where my heart goes out to this reader is in regard to the apparently small-minded and politically biased hiring practices of employers in a remote area. Feeling stuck without anywhere to go is no way to live. Remote regions by nature offer fewer job options and can also foster bad employer behavior, like taking advantage with regard to pay and benefits. I know your problem is real.

But having said that, it can also be too easy to blame “America” and to suggest the nation has an obligation to produce good jobs for good pay everywhere. That would really be nice, but we’re not here to set economic policy (though I’m sure some would love to!).

My paltry advice

Fretting over factors you cannot control should not totally derail your career goals. This is where you have to be the smartest job seeker in the career desert.

I will offer one suggestion and hope others will be able to share their experiences, perspectives and tips. Despite the apparent small-minded thinking and behavior of employers in your area, raise your own standards and expect better than you’re getting.

Rather than bemoan the bad treatment you experience, go meet more people in the business community. Go meet better people. Find the oases in the career desert. I can almost guarantee you there are good employers in your area or reasonably nearby. You just have to find them — and that means meeting new people that are connected to them, even if they’re not employees or managers. If you’re determined not to move, your career success may even require changing the kind of work you do.

How do you meet new people without the kind of “icky” networking that makes you feel like you need to take a shower? Please read Shared Experiences: The key to good networking.

I’m not dismissing your concerns. I know the problems you and many others face are real. What’s important to me is what an individual can do for themselves to overcome the obstacles.

What can this reader do?

If I had a great, easy answer to this I’d get rich quickly. But it’s a widespread, thorny problem that can easily lead us to complaining rather than to smart, creative job-search strategies and tactics.

So, what can this reader do? How can they keep living in a “career desert” and still have a better career? What’s the best how-to advice you can offer? Career deserts are real. Where are the worst ones?

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Question

My question is about my recent inability to keep a job. I have over 20 years’ experience in corporate management. I was with a great company for 9 years but lost my job when the company was sold. To this day, I have glowing references from the owners and other managers. Since I was laid off a few years ago, I have been fired from 6 different jobs and I can’t understand why. They never give me reasons and when I ask, they make excuses.

I was also diagnosed with PTSD and have been in treatment for that, but I know my job inside and out and perform well. The one thing I have noticed is that I feel fearful when I’m being confronted in an unfriendly or angry manner. I seem to have the fight, flight, or freeze response and my brain shuts down — I freeze. I don’t always have the words I need, so I often request a follow-up meeting so I have time to gather my thoughts.

I really need some help with this situation, as well as how to craft my resume. I can’t put 6 different jobs for the past 5 years. I am a dedicated, loyal employee. I always make sure deadlines are met and, with all my experience, I run my department like a well-oiled machine and deliver results in a timely way. I hope this is something you can help me with. Thank you kindly for any help you may be able to provide.

Nick’s Reply

Am I going out on a limb if I guess that you didn’t always have these problems during your long, otherwise successful  career? Perhaps you just never needed to learn how to defend yourself effectively. But business has changed – and not always for the better. Now you need new tools for dealing with complex emotions.

Job search obstacles, or emotional challenges?

Lots of people are running kind of scared – probably including some of the employers who fired you. Many managers resort to aggressiveness and to blaming others. Couple this with a new employment system that features non-stop advertising telling employers they have instant access to thousands of resumes and job applicants – so employers see no need to treat employees with respect. Just fire them and get another one! It’s a bad situation all around.

I specialize in helping people overcome obstacles in the job search. And even though I have an advanced degree in Psychology, it’s not in clinical – it’s in cognition. I don’t pretend I’m qualified to help people who have problems like yours.

Fight, flight or freeze – that’s a set of emotional issues, and many people face them. It seems clear to me you’re good at your work and good at working with others when they behave properly. Dealing with jerks is another story altogether!

Fired and ready for CBT?

Although an honest self-assessment can be healthy, I think your challenge is learning how to cope with difficult people and situations. Behaving professionally is a lost skill because, well, workers are fungible. Bad behavior is now the norm. Just look at our politics.

We all face difficult bosses at some time or other. It seems some of your recent bosses have triggered your stress response.

Have you talked with your PTSD therapist about this? I’m a fan of cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT) for dealing with many problems at work. Learning to change and control our behaviors can lead to wonderful changes in how we see the world and ourselves. Please consider and perhaps explore CBT. Interview some good practitioners and see if it’s a good fit for you.

Fired: Time to get personal

The only advice I’d offer you is, don’t rely on job postings and impersonal job applications. Please read some of my recent Q&A columns. I think the best way for you to find your next job is by cultivating and using good personal contacts – people who can explain to a hiring manager your strengths and abilities, and also put the manager’s mind at rest about your recent frequent moves. Opportunities where this doesn’t work are probably not for you. You need a good employer who will let you do your job, not abuse you. Good employers respond well to referrals from trusted personal contacts. It’s up to you to cultivate such contacts and use them to get in the door.

As for how to handle being fired, please check these two articles and the excellent comments posted by readers.

How much should I say about getting fired?

Can they find out I was fired from my last job?

Keep an untroubled spirit and get help

I’d be glad to schedule an hour of Talk to Nick for you – we’d probably come up with some things you could do to make a material difference in your job search. But I think it’s more important for you to get help with how to deal with jerks. A good CBT therapist could help you cope better. I’ll recommend an oldie-but-goody book by Richard Farson: Management of The Absurd. It’s a quick, illuminating read.

I hope something I’ve said is helpful. Please check the comments and suggestions from other readers that will likely appear below this column. I’m betting lots of other readers have faced challenges like yours.

I’ll leave you with a favorite quote from Marcus Aurelius: “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.“

It seems you face your problems and know what they are. But as you tackle them, learn to apply the first rule more often. I know the business world makes that difficult. Getting some good help to learn how to deal with the stress is essential. I wish you the best!

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Have you faced emotional crises at work? Have you been abused to the point where you’ve lost your confidence? There’s big abuse, there’s small abuse, but it all makes for a difficult work life. Sometimes we all need help. What kind of help has worked for you? What advice would you offer this reader?